alone.

Another sleepless night.

I lay awake for hours willing myself not to reread our old messages I have saved on my phone.           
I oftentimes find myself inadvertently scrolling through the screenshots I have of all of the beautiful things you used to say to me. But tonight even that causes too much pain.       

They say that time heals all wounds, but it simply isn’t true with love.  I continue to love you more with each passing day and my sorrow over being apart from you grows even deeper.                                                      

Although I have forgiven myself for breaking your heart and causing you tremendous pain, my brain continues to ask what if… What if I had been capable of falling in love with your beautiful heart? 

What if I had loved you fearlessly despite the fears and pain that terrified me.  What could we have been if I had gone to you when you needed me most?

But I can’t allow myself to travel down those paths. 
Not now… not ever.
No.  I must be strong and always look to the future.